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Jul. 7th, 2008 @ 03:58 am (no subject)
Current Music: made out of babies
i'm fast approaching another crossroads in my life. once again i may pack up and leave to another part of the world, only this time i may leave most of my belongings behind.

i like the idea of having less junk to haul around, but it's also scary realizing how much stuff i've accumulated recently and would be parting with, not to mention all the people i've come to know. i'm turning my back on all of them.

when life hands you lemons, say fuck the lemons and bail..
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happy
Dec. 9th, 2007 @ 02:37 pm (no subject)
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happy
Aug. 21st, 2007 @ 04:07 pm guitar lesson: The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build a Home
Current Mood: melancholy
today we're going to learn how to play a Cinematic Orchestra song on guitar. it's a very somber song and is actually played on piano with some strings accompanying the final verse and chorus, but i think i sounds just as good on a solo acoustic guitar. Patrick Watson provides the vocals, which while i'm not terribly impressed by his talents, it does provide the perfect fit for the song.

the song we're covering is the first track off of their latest album Ma Fleur. it's probably the least electronic album yet but also the most intricate. in addition to Patrick Watson, some of the vocals on the album are provided by Lou Rhodes, formerly of Lamb, and Fontella Bass returns on a couple others. this track, To Build a Home, opens the album and sets the mood perfectly.

on to the song...

since it's actually played on a piano, standard tuning is fine. it's a rather simple song made up of only a handful of strummed chords.

the intro is just the progression of verse chords played once through. then the verse jumps in with vocals and repeats the intro parts.

/ 1.
|   D               A               E
|
|---2-----------|---0-----------|---------------|---------------|
|---3-----------|---2-----------|---0-----------|---------------|
|---2-----------|---2-----------|---1-----------|---------------|
|---0-----------|---2-----------|---2-----------|---------------|
|---------------|---0-----------|---2-----------|---------------|
|---------------|---------------|---0-----------|---------------|

/ 2.
|   Bmin            Dsus2           A               E
|
|---------------|---0-----------|---0-----------|---------------|
|---3-----------|---5-----------|---2-----------|---0-----------|
|---4-----------|---2-----------|---2-----------|---1-----------|
|---4-----------|---0-----------|---2-----------|---2-----------|
|---2-----------|---------------|---0-----------|---2-----------|
|---------------|---------------|---------------|---0-----------|

for the intro, play each part once. for the verse, play the first part 3 times and the second part twice. the Dsus2 chord in part 2 may seem a little odd but it doesn't quite sound right playing it with a D note on the second string.

the chorus comes in with 16th notes and a bit faster tempo. it's still mostly chords with a melody line on top. i'll transcribe it as i sounds but feel free to change up the strumming.

/   D                                    Amaj7
|
|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|---4---4---4---4---4---4---4---4----|
|---3---3---3---3---3---3---3---3----|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|
|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|
|-----0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0--|------------------------------------|
|------------------------------------|-----0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0--|
|------------------------------------|------------------------------------|

    D5                                   A
|
|---5---5---5---5---5---5---5---5----|---0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0----|
|---3---3---3---3---3---3---3---3----|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|
|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|
|-----0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0--|------------------------------------|
|------------------------------------|-----0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0--|
|------------------------------------|------------------------------------|

    E
|
|------------------------------------|
|---0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0----|
|---1---1---1---1---1---1---1---1----|
|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|
|------------------------------------|
|-----0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0--|

play this part once without vocals and then twice with. there's a fourth time but during the "leave and turn to dust" lyric an Fmin chord is interjected. it comes in between the D5 and the A.
    D5      Fmin                                 A
 -------|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|--------
 -------|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|--------
 -------|---2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2----|--------
 -------|------------------------------------|--------
 -------|-----4---4---4---4---4---4---4---4--|--------
 -------|------------------------------------|--------

and instead of playing the last section with the E chord, just strum it as the chorus fades away. to be critical, i know it's not quite proper to play the fifth of the Fmin as the bass note instead of the F on the sixth string but otherwise i feel it's too large of a jump from the A note a half step up from the previous bar.

the second verse is similar to the first except it doesn't repeat the first part but rather plays both through, as in the intro. this time repeat both verse parts four full times, then repeating part 2 before going into the chorus. the third time through the verse line introduces the strings on the album recording.

the second chorus is the same as the first, just with a slightly more dramatic pause afterwards.

the instrumental outro is once again the same intro/verse chords, only accompanied by more strings. it's lead into by an F note an octave higher than previously played.
                                  
|---14----14---|---14----14---|
|--------------|--------------|
|--------------|--------------|
|--------------|--------------|
|--------------|--------------|
|--------------|--------------|

on the album that note repeats through the chords. it may sound more interesting to play the same chords an octave higher in the outro, which would make it easier to keep the F note. otherwise just continue to the regular intro chords a couple times through and fade out.

Lyrics (with chords):

(intro)
D      A      E
Bmin   Dsus2  A      E

(verse)
D             A           E
   There is a house built out of stone
D         A                 E
   Wooden floors, walls and window sills…
D             A              E
   Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust…
Bmin         Dsus2               A     E
   This is a place where I don’t feel alone
Bmin         Dsus2       A       E
   This is a place where I feel at home…

(chorus)
           D   Amaj7   D5       A
   'Cause, I-- built a home for you
       E
   for me
     D      Amaj7  D5          A
   Until it dis- appeared from me
        E
   from you
       D         Amaj7   D5   Fmin   A       E
   And now, it’s time to lea- ve and turn to dust…

(verse)
D             A               E
   Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
Bmin          Dsus2   A      E
   There is a tree as old as me
D                A           E
   Branches were sewn by the color of green
Bmin           Dsus2    A           E
   Ground had arose and passed it’s knees

         D              A      E
   By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
   Bmin          Dsus2   A       E
   I climbed the tree to see the world
            D           A        E
   When the gusts came around to blow me down
   Bmin         Dsus2          A         E
   I held on as tightly as you held onto me
     Bmin       Dsus2          A         E
   I held on as tightly as you held onto me…

(chorus)
           D   Amaj7   D5       A
   'Cause, I-- built a home for you
       E
   for me
     D      Amaj7  D5          A
   Until it dis- appeared from me
        E
   from you
       D         Amaj7   D5   Fmin   A       E
   And now, it’s time to lea- ve and turn to dust…

(outro)
D      A      E
Bmin   Dsus2  A      E
D      A      E
Bmin   Dsus2  A      E





el fin.
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happy
May. 31st, 2007 @ 11:40 pm i'd like to see you walk a mile in my shit
Current Mood: amused
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3775934817379321852
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61yagrXSEZE

apparently this guy is for real. for some sad reason my ass cracked up for a good long time watching those.
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happy
Apr. 19th, 2007 @ 10:02 pm a new chapter
Current Music: deftones - change
holy shit i haven't posted in almost 6 full months. i guess i never felt like i had anything to say. maybe i still shouldn't. i'm more or less talking to myself. of course i'm not typing this without a reason so let's get to it.

about 24 hours ago i became single again. i'm still not really sure how it happened but here i am. one moment everything is just fine. we hang out, have fun, go to dinners and movies and things are pretty much the same as they've been since january when she got back from london. tuesday morning i ride with her back home and kiss her goodbye, call ya later kinda thing. i don't hear from her much that day since she's writing a paper and the next day is the same so i call her after work and instead of talking she messages me to come over. i get there and she's not herself. she tells me she doesn't want to go on our toronto trip (which would start tomorrow aka friday morning and has been planned for months, hotel and car already booked). i'm a little shocked as if someone died. then she says how things have been different and she's too stressed out about her future and wants to go back home and wants to split up so she can figure things out. after 2 goddamn years and 2 cities later, she doesn't want to be in a relationship. she's 1 month away from graduating college and doesn't have the balls to start working yet, so she wants to go back home and 'figure out her life'. i don't really have a problem with that, and although i feel that her going home means she'll be dependent again and possibly get too comfortable, i would support her in whatever decision she made. except i can't now.

so i'm left alone. i partially feel as though i asked for it. i'll be the first one to admit i noticed things haven't been the same. but i hadn't quite gotten to the point of giving up. i tend not to without a fight. i guess that makes one of us. somehow i feel ripped off, like i wasn't given a chance. i wasn't clued in. i guess i had imagined it would end when she left for the summer and i stayed here. i had already told her i wouldn't want to continue the relationship if her career took her somewhere i didn't want to move to. we've spent probably 1/3 of our couplehood long distance. she had said that one of her big concerns about deciding where to work would be whether or not i would be happy there. it seemed implicit that if we left boston we would live together. she also said last night that she wasn't ready to move in together with someone. she didn't want that kind of commitment. i believe she meant she didn't want to make that commitment with me. i hadn't really thought about it. it makes our differences so much more obvious. i'm mature enough to be ready for a future with someone and she still wants to play. i had considered marriage, albeit not in the immediate future. it takes a lot away from it to realize we were never on the same page.

i'm really disappointed that we didn't get to talk about things. she's pushing away the person who supports her the most. i feel like she's blaming me for all the stresses in her life. what hurts most is just being blown off. why did she have to do it right now? right before our last vacation and right before she graduates. i don't like that she's still 10 minutes away from me but avoiding me. i was silly enough to call her and ask if she still wanted to go to toronto with me.

btw, if ANYONE wants to meet me in toronto friday, saturday, or sunday, drop me an email.

so what that means is i've decided to go anyways. fuck it. i had already paid for the car. i just have to find a place to sleep. i could go anywhere, but right now i figure i had planned on toronto so why not head that way. i went to pick up the car tonight and i was walking up to my POS ford focus when some drunk woman got in and drove off with it. when i went back all they had was a mustang so now i'm driving around in a brand new black mustang. good bachelor car. i hope. i don't really have any plans for when i get there. probably just drive around and wander and maybe go to some bars or clubs or strip clubs or raves or whatever it is there is to do. i haven't been there in 7 years. this should be a good way for me to clear my head. might even stop by montreal.

at the moment i'm not really looking forward to dating again. i'm horrible at being single. might be good for me though. i'll miss the companionship.

well, now i have a contact in toronto and possibly a roof over my head. gotta love irc.

i'm sure i'll have more to say when i get back. i'm looking forward to 4 days of contemplation. life sure is interesting sometimes.
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happy
Oct. 31st, 2006 @ 03:23 am (no subject)
this may be the scariest game i've played in my entire life. i keep trying to play it alone and with the lights out but i'll get too spooked after a short while. i didn't think a game could creep me out but damn.

it got me thinking about other game moments that scared me: first time playing Doom, first level of Unreal, the entire Clock Tower game (16-bit terror), Silent Hill, and now Condemned.

i wonder why i'm so fascinated with the thrill of fear. ever since i was a wee lad i've been hooked on scary stuff. i remember being maybe 7 and going to the video store and trying to find the scariest movies in the place. nothing was ever too intense, but even the slightest scare was addictive. i used to love being in my parents' basement and trying to convince myself through imagination that someone was trying to come after me so when i turned out the lights i'd get a little spooked. now it takes a lot elicit any sort of response. which i think is why i'm so surprised that a video game could keep me on edge.

it's kind of reassuring.

happy halloween.
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happy
Aug. 18th, 2006 @ 11:09 pm rip
Current Music: Dissection - Thorns of Crimson Death
DISSECTION Frontman JON NÖDTVEIDT Commits Suicide - Aug. 18, 2006

wow. i feel like i just discovered this band (at least upon hearing the older catalogue) and now life ceases. i just read an article a couple weeks ago about how they disbanded after releasing their last CD but goddamn it sucked ass. the early stuff is great but Reinkaos was fucking awful. oh well.
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happy
May. 18th, 2006 @ 12:14 am (no subject)
Current Music: ratm
i haven't much to say right now. which probably more accurately translates to 'i haven't much to bitch about right now'. i've spent most of today drinking and sitting on my comp. it's my day off and my gf is gone for the week. so in my efforts to not spend more money than i have to, i've stayed in (except for dinner) and done nothing constructive. there's things i could have done, but i'm saving those for saturday.

so, this weekend i go to sign away my life for a while. i'm accepting an offer to work for a company and sell their phones. apparently they're excited to have me since my years of whoring away in customer service translates well into what they're looking for. i'll be working in one of the busiest stores in boston in probably the hippest (gah!) location. i hope i like it. it'll be quite a change for me, having spent the last 3 years in the restaurant industry. i may stay with the current restaurant i work at, as long as they're willing to let me work only a couple shifts a week. i sort of doubt they'll be okay with that, so more than likely i'll be putting in my 2-week notice tomorrow. it's gonna be hard going from getting paid every day to getting paid twice a month, but i should be pretty much doubling my current salary. i'm really hoping it doesn't suck.

i've been hooked on Cave Story this past week (thanks, bri). i found it so simplistic in the beginning, but now i'm realizing there's so much i missed. i'm almost done with the first play-through, so i'll probably go for a second after that.

i think i need new icons.
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happy
Apr. 30th, 2006 @ 02:11 am (no subject)

the world beyond 8 bits
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happy
Apr. 21st, 2006 @ 01:42 am 10 years
i'm keeping this very short. i've been listening to 10,000 Days for the past few days. contrary to my expectations, i'm blown away. this is the disc i was hoping for when Lateralus came out 5 years ago. it wasn't a bad cd, but it wasn't as solid and varied as Aenima was. i can't say the same for the new one. it's good. really good.

i'm entertained by all the jaded forum-goers that like to sit and pretentiously bitch about how it doesn't sound like Tool [i guess they should try to sound the same as before], doesn't have Tool-esque track titles, or doesn't blow them away like the first time they heard Tool. it seems people have nothing better to do than assume some sort of higher intuition into the entity of this band and delegate what direction the band should be headed in. it would have been impossible for an album to be recorded that could accomplish the feat of satisfying these elitist snobs. it's ironic that they even parodied this species of fan a couple albums ago.

so, the cd gives me a renewed sense of excitement about a band i first got into before i was even a teenager. i've been listening to it every chance i get. i don't know if this will last, so the real test will be time, but i can't see myself giving up on this one.
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happy
Apr. 20th, 2006 @ 09:47 am (no subject)
http://www.shoutwire.com/comments/9799/The_Stigma_of_Gaming
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whore
Apr. 16th, 2006 @ 06:21 pm apples
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: tool - vicarious
i spent all day yesterday in new york. i'd never been and have been meaning to for a while. i almost moved there instead of boston but i was a little intimidated and decided boston would be a good step. well, boston kinda sucks in comparison. maybe because i've just been working here and not really going out and having fun, but there was SO much more going on in nyc. plus, people seem so much more open-minded and (!)polite, which i'd become unaccustomed to here. the bus ride from chinatown to chinatown was only 15 bucks each way, but we ended up spending quite a bit there, even though i didn't buy any souvenirs or anything. i ALMOST picked up a vcd of battle royale, but decided to wait and we never had time to go back. we went to the museum of sex, which was cool but could have been more. we wandered 5th ave and broadway and times square and all those touristy things. we also checked out a hip chinese place and had a couple drinks. it was a rather sex-oriented trip, with the museum, and then a strip club after dinner, followed by having some fun in the restroom of a hip bar known for its glass doors that turn smoky for privacy (i guess the public thing has been a theme lately). we grabbed one more drink in the same bar and left for our bus. it was all very exhausting and expensive, but i'm glad we did something exciting for once. i've gotten into this i'm-so-poor rut.

tomorrow's supposed to be hella crazy in this city since the marathon is going on. sucks that i'm working all day. good for the cash flow though.
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happy
Mar. 14th, 2006 @ 03:20 pm beginning
Current Music: into the moat - the design
today was my first day of training for my new job. it sucked having to get up at 6am. i'm way too much of a nightowl. even if i get no sleep (like yesterday how i had gotten 2.5 hours the night before), by nighttime i'm wide awake. i didn't do much today except talk for 2.5 hours about how to serve, and then follow some girl around as she waited on maybe 3 tables. it's such a different atmosphere but i think i'll like it a lot better. everyone here seems really cool.

it's really nice out today. i'd better get out while i can..

i've been addicted to The Office from the bbc. in a week i've watched every episode. i thought it was stupid the first time i saw it, but it grew on me. i tried to watch the american version with steve carell but it sucked. they pretty much copied verbatim the bbc version, but carell's character is absolutely nothing like the ricky gervais version, which made it so funny. i've also recently discovered Family Guy. sad, huh? it's been on for years and i saw it for the first time a couple weeks ago. it's weird because i never watch tv but now i'm watching tv shows on dvd.

i should be productive today.

i, too, am a self-indulgent fool.
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happy
Mar. 6th, 2006 @ 05:09 pm transitional period?
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Cannibal Corpse - Maniacal
I suppose it started about a month ago, when I got really sick. I got it from my girlfriend when she was still sick and had to come over for help with her computer class. It started Friday and by Saturday afternoon it had developed into a fever. We were meeting at a hotel in Cambridge for the night as a little Valentine's Day present, and although waves of nausea came and went, we tried to make the most of it. Sunday afternoon we left coincidentally in the middle of a massive blizzard, and at one point ended up having to wait out in the middle of it for around 45 minutes while expecting a train to come by, which never did, and we ended up finally finding a cab. This weather didn't really help things and by the time we got back my fever had shot up. I was well taken care of and able to break the fever by that night, but I still had to deal with a hell of a cold and cough for a while. It wouldn't have been a big deal, except for the fact that on Wednesday, half of my upper lip area between my nose and mouth developed a large and unsightly fever blister. I've had cold sores before, but nothing like this. It really, really sucked having to work with a giant scab on my face. A few people made a big deal about it (the queens), and I had one table that requested someone else instead of me because of it, but for the most part it wasn't too big of an issue.

Well, that Friday, on my way to work, my train was over 30 minutes late, so I ended up getting to work 15 minutes late. There's this one manager there who, for whatever reason, was a complete bitch to me (and many others). Though I'd never been in any sort of trouble there or been written up for anything, she demanded that I needed to come in the following Monday at 6am for "cleaning" as a punishment. She said that I was too new there to get away with it. So I worked two 12+ -hour days Saturday and Sunday and was scheduled another double on Monday. I strongly considered just not coming in for the cleaning shit, but figured it would be better to just deal with it and get another job afterwards than blow it off and risk getting fired. So i went, and it sucked beyond words (apparently "cleaning" meant having two little bitches yell at me to haul stuff around, and then spend an hour on garbage duty in the rat-infested pit area behind the restaurant). Afterwards I went home to get ready for work but once I got home I realized I felt more sick and absolutely exhausted so I called in sick again. Once I woke up I got ready for my night shift and went early to grab some food before I started. Apparently, the start-time for the shift had been changed to 30 minutes earlier and no one ever mentioned it so I was unknowingly late again. I found it a little funny, especially since it was that very morning I had my punishment for the other day, so it's not like it was intentional. So, predictably, that same bitch-manager told me she wanted me to be "done." She said I should go speak with my general manager and see what he thinks. I thought about it and decided that this was a sign, and that I should just take the hint, so I left.

So, as of a couple weeks ago, I've been (technically) unemployed. I felt like I needed some time to get better and to relax a bit, since the stress of working somewhere I absolutely hated was really bringing me down and leaving me depressed all the time. I had wanted to leave the company while I was still in Atlanta, but had also hope a new location might change my mind, when in actuality it only reinforced my need for a change. The shitty thing was that the same week I left I still had the big scab, so I couldn't just go out and find a job yet. So the week after, I went out to a couple places and one of them called me right away and set up some interviews. They hired me pretty quickly, but training doesn't start for another week, so by the time I work my first money shift, i'll have not made a dime for 4 whole weeks. I'm really glad I was able to pay rent last month, but this month I'll have exactly 11 days to make ALL of my rent money, plus any bills. It could get crazy. Another possibility is a job with T-Mobile. I applied and sent a resume and they emailed me saying they're interested but I have yet to hear from them.

On a lighter note, I've been floating around doing lots of nothing. A few days ago I rented Ico for PS2 and ended up finishing it in 2 sittings. It felt good to be so into something that I kept wanting to play "just a little more" until the sun was up. I'm keeping my eye out for God of War and ...Collosus. I might actually have to go get a PS3 once they're out, provided I'm making decent money by then.

I've also become obsessed with my iPod. I'm always adding stuff and organizing it and just spending way too much time playing with it. I love always having so much music on me, though. It's almost full and I still have a lot of stuff to add.

I still have to make some sort of plans for a trip to Michigan. It's definitely being pushed back now, because of the money situation, but I will be there either by spring or early summer. There's so much I want to do.
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happy
Feb. 11th, 2006 @ 02:35 am phone bitching.
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Cephalic Carnage - Lucid Interval
fuck t-mobile.

every time i have a problem with my phone, i'll call them and they'll tell me that i'm fucked and have to purchase a new phone. then i'll do more of my own research and find a way to fix it.

my phone stopped recognizing my sim card as a tmo sim for some reason, which means, since it's locked to the tmo network, it wouldn't start up. this started happening over the past week and finally last night i couldn't fix it. after talking to tech support for an hour they said it's no longer warrantied and i'd have to get a new phone. i mentioned that i'm paying insurance and then i had to deal with that insurance company. so i talk to them and they say that they don't have any more of my phone in stock, but would have to send me a razr instead. i hate those phones. er, they aren't bad, but they're not NEARLY as customizable as my symbian phone, and it would render my 512mg mmc card useless. it'd mean a year of playing with my phone down the drain.

well, tonight i looked into unlocking phones and was able to successfully unlock mine, so now it doesn't really care where the sim is from, and starts up fine. this is probably the second or third time i've been able to fix it after being told it's not fixable.

lesson #1: NEVER trust tech support people. if only he had mentioned it would work fine if it were unlocked.

bah, there's my rant for the night.

i need to sleep. my gf got me very sick and after working all day today i have to be at work at 9am for some lame meeting. drat.
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happy
Jan. 18th, 2006 @ 01:48 am baaaah...
Current Music: richie hawtin - de9: transitions
i became a sheep today.

i joined the minions of fake hipsters that wander this city with those little white cords dangling from their ears. i went out and bought an ipod. at this time i've only begun to load it up with music. my computer is a bit slow and i'm anal about organization, so it'll probably be weeks before i feel satisfied with its configuration. i'm not one to settle for mediocrety, so i splurged on the 60gb. this is one of those rare material possessions i've lusted after for quite some time now. i did my research and gave it a considerable amount of contemplation and finally decided it was time. well, to be honest i just recieved some christmas money in the mail and it completely covered the cost, so i look at it like i wasn't really spending my money. now i'm paranoid of breaking it or scratching it badly. i haven't even had a chance to listen to it (i think it's still charging). i know i won't be able to resist playing with it and modifying it and doing all sorts of things they would never advertise to be possible. should be fun.

i'm also not all alone in this city anymore. mf returned from georgia on sunday, but she's started school again so our time may be limited. we'll see how things go now. i love her to death, but this is also the first time we can just relax and not have to worry about a looming spatial separation. we have so much fun together.

i must sleep now..
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happy
Dec. 29th, 2005 @ 02:09 am aimless update
Current Music: marconi union
i'm kinda bored here lately. and anxious. i figured a new environment would inspire me to do something more with my life, and maybe it is, but it's more of a huge kick in the ass when you realize, without the support of any friends to pat you on the back and say everything's okay, that you're doing jack-shit with your life and not getting any younger. i fucking hate work, but only because i know it's not something i want to keep doing. i don't have hardly any of the problems and stresses i had in atlanta, the money's hella better, and things seem much more promising. the problem: i've lost the comfort of being around people that share my lack of passion for success. i keep asking myself, what would i rather be doing? anything, maybe. this is what i was asking for, anyway.

i couldn't sleep last night (even with barely 4 hours of sleep the night before) and woke up with an anxiety attack about not finishing my education. i spent some time back online looking up schools in the area and comparing tuition rates and such. i woke up exhausted and was in such a bad mood all day. i hate it. i think most people i work with here probably think i'm dramatic or bitchy all the time, but it's so unlike my typical personality. i still feel a bit overwhelmed. well, 2 weeks ago i was homeless, with almost all of my accumulated property being contained in a 5 x 10' storage space and crashing at my gf's apartment with her 3 other increasingly stressed roommates, not sure when i'd have a roof over my head, so i guess things are looking up. unfortunately, now i no longer have that excuse, and i need to figure out the next step.

this is a good time. my gf is in london and won't be back here for 3 weeks, so it's basically just me for a while. me and my head. which won't shut up.

i think my roommate will be back tomorrow. i've only met him once. i hope he's cool.

i've been somewhat obsessed with Salad Fingers lately. it's an entertainment drug.

i've also been listening to a lot of techy-broken-crazyass-death metal like cephalic carnage and into the moat. especially the former. i dig the cryptopsy meets eyehategod style. check lucid interval or anomalies.

i've been leeching like crazy since i moved in and hooked up my broadband action. although i had a sort of attack-of-conscience and stopped dl'ing movies. i dunno why, and maybe i'll start again, but i figured i haven't much reason to, since the quality sucks and i rarely watch them soon. and porn is all the same. well, not exactly. i need netflix again. i have cable tv again too, but i haven't watched more than 5 mins of it. i need to get out more.

i've started a fourth paragraph in a row with the word "i've".
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happy
Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 08:57 pm home.
well, i'm home.

as in, i have a home. and i'm moved into it now. i got to be homeless for 18 days. that was the most stressful, difficult move yet. the physical part wasn't too bad except for hauling my shit back and forth, but the whole process of finding a place and going through that whole mess was such a bitch. i'm not all unpacked yet, but i have my comp up and running (with a speedy internet connection (yay)) and my tv and stuff like that. just have to find room for all my stuff and clothes and things.

i'm here alone for the moment. my roommate is gone for christmas break, as is my gf, so it's just me now. yet it feels quite nice to just sit here drinking a beer once again. i work tomorrow night, and will probably not do much more than work for the next several weeks. i've been miserable there so far, but i know that had more to do with me having outside distractions than the actual place. now i can focus on making money again. i miss my gf though.

so, tonight i grabbed a local entertainment paper on my way back from grabbing some beer and was reading it when i spotted an ad for a SunnO))) concert tonight. i quickly got ready and headed out on a good 45-min journey only to get to the place and find it sold-out. i was a bit disappointed.
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happy
Dec. 4th, 2005 @ 03:06 pm update
so, here i am in boston. i made it, after a very long and grueling trip. i'm on my way to being broke. i got about a hundred bucks for my car, though it was worth 1500. i didn't really have a choice. the trouble i went through to get rid of it wasn't worth it, but i guess it's better to get something since i had to leave anyways. after packing and loading up, then cleaning, i was ready to head out. i was ridiculously exhausted after a good 10 hours or so, but i actually stopped a couple times to rest, and was able to take a short nap at one point. it got interesting somewhere in new york when i ended up on some car-only parkway with my moving truck and would have crashed into a low bridge had i not been able to swerve off an exit just in time, then take a very long detour back to the highway i needed to be on. so, blah blah, i finally got here after 22 hours or so of driving, then just hung out and rested, slept a lot, and started checking out places to live. i had a place lined up but once i saw it i was disappointed. not so much the place but moreso about the roommate. so technically i'm homeless right now, and at the moment still unemployed (my interview isn't until tomorrow). but i have a couple places to look at this afternoon and have another week before i have to leave here, so i'll probably just store my stuff tomorrow morning and return the truck until i know where i'll be living. i still don't know how much i'll like living here. it's completely different from atlanta. i hated atl for a long time so i'm sure if i just wait it out i'll appreciate it.

oh, and it started snowing today. it's been 2 years since i've seen snow.

there's my update. i'll post more when i have a job and a home...
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happy
Aug. 20th, 2005 @ 02:57 am (no subject)
Current Music: portishead - half day closing
obligatory occasional post to follow...

well, i wasn't planning on mentioning anything yet but i've been thinking. it's been almost a week since i've seen my gf because she's been out of town with family. it's a little frustrating moreso because she'll be leaving permanently 2 weeks from today. i'll get to see her again this monday night but still, she'll still have to try to find time to visit a few more friends for the summer. i miss her so much. it still feels strange to say that. (tangent:)

i saw my ex yesterday. she called me as i was leaving work on my break and asked me to come help her move some boxes out of her old apt. fine, i thought, since it's not terribly far from where i live now, and i was planning on going home to chill anyways. so i get there and there's really not that much to move. there wasn't really anything she couldn't have moved herself in a couple more trips. she dumped some stuff off on me; some of it was just stuff from my parents that they gave me a long time ago, but i was under the impression i had taken all of that with me when i moved out. i kinda wish i'd known she'd stolen(/"borrowed") so much of it for herself, but then again, i don't really need any more of it anyways, so it didn't matter to me. there really wasn't much else to talk about, other than the usual small talk, and she asked about my dating situation again. after i left i kept pondering why i was really asked to come over in the first place, as if there was some ulterior motive, but it could have been completely amicable. or, maybe her current relationship is in a lull or something. i didn't really ask. i'm not sure i'd want to know. i just wonder if there's a part of her that misses things the way they were. it's strange, but i don't think i do. i hadn't really thought of her in quite some time. and, when i see her now there's no part of me that's even attracted to her. i notice how much weight she's put on (i know it's not very gentlemanly) or how much she seems to have deteriorated emotionally. that's probably a bit harsh. i guess i could just say that she seems to be continuing her old patterns that i was so ready to get away from. i feel so much better already being far removed from all of that. (/tangent)

so i'm thinking about moving to boston. why boston? well, for a while now, i've been wanting to move out of atl. i like it here. a lot. hell, it's been a fucking blast. but... i feel like i'm too young to settle down in one place. as much fun as i've had here, there's really nothing keeping me here. almost all of the friends i've made here have been through work, and almost all of those friends have left. i've been wanting to move north again. i was thinking about ny, but it seems somewhat intimidating. boston seems nice, and it's a 3-hour drive from ny. plus, mf will be there. yup, that's right. my gf, who's leaving in 2 weeks, will be in boston. i've hesitated so much to 'follow' another gf across the country to another city. but i do genuinely feel that i'd want to live there even if i had never dated her in the first place. it could be bullshit, but i don't think so. it was my idea in the first place anyways. i finally had a talk with her and asked what she thought--whether she'd feel like i was imposing on her life or foregoing my own. she admitted that she really wanted me to come with her but didn't want me to think she was too clingy or inconsiderate. so, it's not final yet, but we've both been looking at some places there that i could move to. it's so hella-fucking-expensive there. it's going to be hard, but i think it'd be fun, too. i'll probably go visit there in a month or two, so i need to find something quick. my lease is up soon anyways.

...new subject...

i've been listening to a lot of metal lately. in fact i burned a mix cd today of some different tracks to listen to in my car. well, here's the tracklist:

01 at the gates - the swarm (been loving this band lately)
02 dimmu borgir - blessings upon the throne of tyranny (classic, at least for me)
03 naglfar - i am vengeance (somewhat new discovery, but similar to atg)
04 napalm death - food chains (most napalm is hit or miss for me, but i like this one)
05 cryptopsy - phobophile
06 behemoth - myterium coniunctionis (hermanubis)
07 goatwhore - vengeance of demonic fury (first song off funeral dirge, i love the different vocals and lack of common structure)
08 suffocation - immortally condemned
09 emporer - cromlech (darkthrone cover)
10 cannibal corpse - when death replaces life
11 deicide - they are the children of the underworld (my fav deicide cd, and probably the most solid track imo)
12 morbid angel - where the slime live (another classic for me, though it's atypical death, i like the sludgy sound)
13 soilent green - leaves of three (first track off the new disc, i've heard it so many times, but it's there for comparison)
14 november's doom - swallowed by the moon (different but not bad. type-o meets doom i suppose)
15 kataklysm - under the dying sun
16 amon amarth - once sealed in blood (silly black)
17 vader - out of the deep
18 cradle of filth - needled 24/7 (why not?)

if i'd had room i'd thrown on some cult of luna, eyehategod, or maybe a nightwish track for shits and giggles. i need to get some more shit.

why is it so hard to go to bed at a decent hour?
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happy
Jul. 26th, 2005 @ 01:10 am (no subject)
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: at the gates - the swarm
"pssst!... say something."
"uhh, like what?"
"anything."
"like WHAT?"
"ANYTHING!"

*ahem*

well, not too much new stuff going on. i've been pretty busy between work and having a girlfriend again. even though knowing we can't be together anymore in a little over a month kinda fucks things up a bit, we've been enjoying what time we do have. i've grown incredibly frustrated with work in that there's too much of it and we never seem to have much time to do normal date things. i've actually managed to get two days off in a row starting tomorrow, so we're going to go visit her dad back in the town she grew up in. a nice little road trip to Macon, GA. i don't believe i've indulged in the stimulating pleasures that lie within the city limits of such a small town. after two years of living in Georgia, tomorrow will be my first real experience in the South. we'll be coming back tomorrow night and if we're not too tired, i may have the chance to introduce a first-timer to a part of my life i was experiencing 5 years ago. it's been a while since i did any of that, so i'm looking forward to it. we'll have to wait and see.
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happy
Jul. 12th, 2005 @ 01:51 am questions
Current Music: my air-conditioner is whispering to me
is having a gf again actually distracting me from what i should be doing with my life?

am i losing myself again?

have i sold myself out?

or is this motivating me to better myself?

why do i struggle so much with the fear of inevitably losing her, instead of simply enjoying it for what it is?

why do i miss her (especially since i just spoke with her, saw her this afternoon, and will see her again in 9 hours)?

am i really in love again? is she?

where am i going?
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happy
Jun. 30th, 2005 @ 02:27 am (no subject)
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: miranda sex garden - fly
"You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore.
All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone...
It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist...
You won't ever have that feeling again unitl you create a new idea of home for yourself."


that quote pretty much sums up how i feel about Michigan.
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happy
Jun. 26th, 2005 @ 03:55 am (no subject)
haha... i guess i'm a bit drunk at the moment. (i know this only because of the amount of times i need to hit the backspace key)

so... i'm in buttfucking grand rapids now. i can say without any doubt that i DO NOT want to live here again. at least not for a very long time. so much of the reason i wanted to come back is to see if there's any part of me that could move back here. there is none. this city fucking sucks. well, it's not the worst city, since i did grow up here, but after living in atl for 2 years, i know there's really not much here.

i never thought i'd ever say this, but goddamn there's too many white people here.

i already miss the culture of the south and how i don't get kicked out of every bar at quarter-to-two in the morning. i just spent a little while in fucking denny's since i didn't want to come home yet.

speaking of, home is just as i would have expected. i've been dealing with the usual what-are-you-doing-with-your-life lectures and catching up on all the neighborhood gossip. i'm supposed to see my grandparents tomorrow but i'm not all that excited.

i spent yesterday being fucking exhausted all day, since i didn't sleep since thursday morning and got to fly across the country and then hang out with my folks. i tried to stay up but i passed out by 11:30pm and woke up at 3pm the next day (today). i didn't have access to a car until the evening after dinner. unfortunately, mike was working until late so i called up my chick friend from atl and got together with her tonight. she's really fucking cool actually. she's hot too, but i don't feel all that much attraction, although i do enjoy hanging out with her. we mostly talked about how much the north sucks in comparison to the south, and about family stuff, and then for a while about philosophy and religion and human psychology. come to think of it, she's interested in so much of the same stuff i am, so i guess she'd be a good person to be friends with.

i better be able to get together with mike tomorrow night at least. i'd expected to spend more time here with friends but it hasn't worked out that way.

it's really nice to abuse my parents' dsl connection. it's been a long time since i've had high-speed internet so i'm making good use of it. also, i've had a chance to try some demos of games i never got to play, so that's been fun, although in my 2-second reviews i can say that doom3 isn't that good but half-life 2 is fucking amazing. neither has anything shockingly new, but hl2 wins the coolness factor because of the realism and immersion, even though it's not quite as spooky as d3. i'm sure if i had a decent comp at home i'd play through both of em, but i don't really have the time to do so here. i am going to burn a few CDs while i can.
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happy
Jun. 24th, 2005 @ 02:57 am (no subject)
Current Mood: exhausted
hmmmm. it's 3am and i have to leave for the airport in 2 hours. i've been up for the last 17 hours and probably won't really sleep before i leave (too much to do). i guess i should be getting packed now but i'm too tired.

so i'll be in michigan for a few days. maybe it's the sleepiness, but i'm not terribly looking forward to it at this very moment. i'm sure things will be different tomorrow. i'm just hoping to be able to get out and do something while i'm there. i have NO plans other than to have dinner with family at some point.

oh well, i can't even think straight right now. i'll post when i get back.
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happy
Jun. 19th, 2005 @ 12:55 am (no subject)
Current Music: luke vibert
i had the strangest sensation tonight.

i was on my way home from working all day (had a pretty good day, too), and i decided to grab a couple groceries. i was walking around the store like normal and then i realized it was as if there was some strobing, horseshoe-shaped light pattern to the left of my vision. since it moved with my eyes, i first thought it might be a scratch or something on my eye. but i closed each eye and they both showed the same effect. also, it seemed to get worse as time went on and it was like i was losing my vision or something. i'd compare it to a psychadelic experience but i haven't taken ANY kind of mind-altering substance. i think it's getting a bit better now but it was a bit scary. hopefully tomorrow i'll be normal again.

...


i kind of miss her right now. she made me a mix cd "to broaden my horizons" and it's got some good songs on it, so that was really cool. i returned the favor but haven't given it to her yet. but now i keep thinking of more songs i'd wanna put on it. i might just end up making a damn 8-cd book or something. well, i think i'll get to see her tomorrow, and then a few days this coming week so i'm happy. sorry for the sappy post.
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happy